Etchings in the Sand…

Thoughts and Photos from the Desert…

Category Archives: Humor

Slippers, by L.L. Bean…

I enjoy Bean’s slippers as they grow old along with me. Jo Ann has never approved of my wearing them in public, but I take wicked pride in ownership and the Wabi Sabi qualities of great objects grown old.

It's all about the glories of aging gracefully...

milk…

The other day Jo Ann wanted a bit more space in the frig for milk. She removed an almost empty gallon jug of milk and poured the remnant into a small, opaque water holder which I used for athletic moments and placed it into the now empty space.

Shortly thereafter, being thirsty for a slug of water I went to the frig, and pulled out my trusty water bottle. Expecting a refreshing icy slug of water, I took a generous swig.

The reaction was instantaneous, unfortunate and somewhat violent. I spewed the chalky liquid all over the kitchen floor, alarmed and nauseated at both the sight of white liquid coming from my mouth and the unexpected taste of milk.

You had to be there. Her case comes up Tuesday. Well, it SHOULD.

My Lowbrow Ways…

Probably shouldn’t admit it, but my tastes sometimes run to early American redneck.

For instance, everybody seems quite taken with the big wedding over in England. This prince is marrying a girl who I must admit is pretty darned nice looking. Can’t quite think of either name but they are related to the Queen. Or the guy is. But she is really nice looking. I guess I already said that.

Anyway, I’ve been following the NFL draft. The second round is starting in an hour and 15 minutes. It’s on ESPN. No one seems to be interested in that. I can’t understand you people.

Ah, Bristol…

Ronnie shares this wonderfully scary thought with us this morning…

Apparently, Bristol Palin and a major publishing house believe that a 20-year-old single mother whose only known accomplishment is losing a TV dance contest has lived a life so full and fascinating it warrants a memoir. According to Reuters, the publisher, William Morrow, describes the book thusly:

“Plainspoken and disarmingly down to earth, Bristol offers new insight and understanding of who she is and what she values most.”
Just what we have all been waiting for and certain to become a literary classic.

Momisms – My Mother Was a Rare Character…

My two sisters and I recently put together a series of familiar sayings of my mother. Mom was a rare character. Not your typical granny. Her language was frequently earthy. And we loved her dearly. We get together and laugh until we either cry or wet our pants.

Here are a few “Momisms” as Sally put it. I’ve deleted a few and edited a few more, but you get the idea.

Momisms

Sit down before you get knocked down

If you’re so goddamn smart, do it yourself.

That might be funny to you but it ain’t funny to Grandma.

There’s no fool like an old fool

Dr. Vaughan says ‘ A drunkard’s death is the most peaceful of all.’

It’s hotter than the hinges of hell.

Looks like the Tussys live here.

Your room looks like a pigsty.

Don’t blow your nose at the table

If you’re doing that for my benefit, you can stop

He drives like a bat out of hell

Your hair looks like a rat chewed on it

Don’t dress like a hussy

You don’t see your grandmother’s feet on the table

Take off that damned baseball cap in the house

Eat that pea

Ghosty ghosty

You’re a bunch of spoiled brats

There’s no room for two bitches in the same kitchen

Don’t drink out of the milk bottle, damn it

Grab it and growl

Chock ‘er, Bart. She’s headed toward the barn

Just show’s to go ya’

Bend, Hilda, and pick it up.

Do as I say do, not as I do

And then there was the one about sending little Johnny to the store to get a lb. of peas and ask how Mrs. Jones is. So he walked all the way to the store saying ‘a pound of peas and how’s Mrs Jones’ ‘a pound of peas and how’s Mrs Jones’ He gets to the store and goes up to Mr. Jones and says ‘a pound of peas and how’s Mrs. Jones’ and Mr Jones says ‘split or whole?’ and Johnny says ‘her did???’

Laughed so hard, I thought I’d die – I thought my pants would never dry

Don’t leave the milk carton on the table

The great silver bird in the sky

Shut the door! Were you brought up in a barn?

Eat what is put before you

All kids are brats, some are just worse than others.

This may partially explain why our now elder Bourland brats are what we turned out to be. A bit weird.

Guinea Fowl…

Yesterday Jo Ann had lunch with a good girl friend who had moved away. I decided to go out for some catfish at a local barbeque restaurant.

There’s a nice lake about a hundred feet away from my window seat and I was astonished to see 20 black duck-like birds with bright white bills frolicking in the water. Almost a quarter of a century in Arizona and I’d not seen any birds quite like that.

I called the manager over and asked about them. He said they were guinea fowls. “They show up every year about this time, stay about two days and disappear just as suddenly – apparently on their way to Wisconsin or Minnesota.”

They were flocked together; swimming, diving and swimming underwater, popping up, waddling up onto the grass lawn to check out possible snacks, then delightfully trooping over to the rock wall that bordered the lake and hurling themselves the 3 feet or so into the lake, enjoying themselves almost as much as I enjoyed watching them. What a treat!

Here’s a Google Image to give you a small idea…